The C Words: Cancer, Chemo, Coincidence, Celebrations

May 30, 2012:  Gina celebrated her 45th birthday.  Her sister Marie had her first chemo treatment.

Yesterday, June 13, 2012, Gina finished her last treatment.

Yesterday, June 13, 2012, Marie's hair started falling out, so she shaved her head.

Today, June 14, I got my crew assignment for the San Francisco 3-Day (Pit Stop 1!)

Today, June 14, marks one year since Gina's first chemotherapy session.

Today, June 14, is Marie's 50th birthday.

Talk about bittersweet!

But that's cancer for you.  It sucks: it makes you sad, it makes you scared, it makes your hair fall out, it takes over your life.   But it also gives:  it teaches you to appreciate things more, and it teaches you what is and what isn't important (like hair!).  It teaches you how strong you are, and it shows you who your friends are and how wonderful they can be.

Some days are good, some days are great, and some days suck.  The question is, which will you dwell on, the bad or the good?

I don't have cancer.  I can grow my hair back if I want to.  I don't know what it's like to hear the words, "you have cancer."  But cancer has definitely made me sad, and it has definitely scared me shitless.  But today, on Marie's birthday, on the one year anniversary of Gina's first treatment, and on the first day of Gina's cancer-free life, I want to celebrate!

Thank you, cancer, for reminding me that taking care of myself is important--not just for me, but for my family as well.

Thank you, cancer, for bringing my best friend and I back together.  I have loved every minute of it.

Thank you, cancer, for all of the wonderful people I have met in the fight against you!!

Thank you cancer, for bringing Marie back to her family and friends...we like having her around!

Thank you cancer, for making every day and every special occasion that much sweeter!  I promise to never take another birthday, Christmas, or beautiful sunset for granted!

Happy Birthday, Mary!  Congratulations, Gina!  Fuck you, cancer!

Mary and her son, Michael

Sue

Last night, one of my tables was a friendly, gorgeous couple.  They were easy to wait on, meaning they were nice, polite and low maintenance.  About an hour into their dinner, I go up to check on them, and the woman says something like, "You had a booth at the Torrance farmer's market."

"Yes," I say, "raising money for breast cancer."  I'm not super surprised that she would remember me...the Wilson Park Farmer's Market is very popular, and I DO have a shaved head, not to mention the fact that I am wearing pink ribbon earrings, a ribbon necklace and a pink ribbon badge reel :)

But then she proceeds to tell her husband how she cried at my booth.  "Oh my God," I say, "you bought the wish bracelet...you had just made your lumpectomy appointment!"  We both had the chills.  

I can remember that whole encounter back in August vividly. As she was looking at all of the pink ribbon goodies on my table, she looked at an item I had called a "wish bracelet"--a simple rope bracelet with a pink ribbon charm on it.  The idea is that you make a wish when you put the bracelet on and when the bracelet eventually falls off,  your wish comes true.  As I was telling her this, she confessed that she had just made her lumpectomy appointment, and she began to cry.  Then of course I began to cry.  Here she was, alone, walking around at the farmer's market minding her own business, DEFINITELY not expecting to see my big pink booth, and then she's sharing her story with me.   So I put the bracelet on her and told her that I wished for her well being, and we hugged.  I blogged about her and the other women I had met that day.  And now here she was.

It's hard to explain how the odds were against her being in my station.  After 13 years at Kincaid's, there are still people who eat there regularly who I have never waited on.  There are a lot of tables.  A lot of servers.  We're in a different station every night.  But there she was.

I knew by looking at her that all had gone well since last we saw one another.  Sue is beautiful, with an easy smile and delicate crows feet that are the proof that she uses that smile often.   I was so grateful that fate had brought us back together--seeing Sue was just what I needed after Marie's diagnosis.  Seeing her also reinforced my resolve to keep fighting and keep talking about breast cancer.  Thank you, Sue!!

Deciding that we had something to celebrate, I brought out a dessert with a candle for Sue.  I wanted to celebrate her survivorship, our meeting, BEING ALIVE.  Then she told me it was her and Bill's wedding anniversary!  Well, add that to the list of things we are thankful for!  It was awesome.

Not able to contain myself, I told Reggie (my GM) the story.  He then proceeded to go to the table and chat them up, and then he took care of their dinner bill!  That Reggie, he is GOOD PEOPLE.

I am so blessed in my life.  My kids helped me see that first.  Then my husband.  Then breast cancer.  We're all in it together, and that's the only thing that makes it bearable sometimes.

At a Loss for Words

I never "finished" this blog.  I created it to chronicle Gina's journey, as well as my involvement with the 3-Day, but when the walk was over, I couldn't bring myself to write about it.

You see, the walk was so many things, such an experience, that I felt like writing about it in this blog would make it somehow be over and forgotten, and I was not ready for it to be over.  I also worried that I would not have the ability to adequately express all that the 3-Day had been to me.  And so, I did nothing.  And not just here:  I also left the windows of my car painted with all of my anti cancer slogans for MONTHS after we got back from the walk.  It took me almost as long to unpack my stuff.  The one thing I did do?  I registered to be a crew member in the  San Francisco and Washington, DC walks and to walk again in San Diego.

Anyway, as I sit here in the dark, still in my uniform, I still feel the same way.  I don't know how to write about it.  I only know that the 3-Day experience still drives me.  Lots of people, including my kids, have asked me why I'm still shaving my head.  Well, I explain, even though Gina is cancer free, thousands of women are still being diagnosed every day, and I still feel the need to keep the conversation going.  And the hair always starts conversations :)

Just tonight, I waited on a table that had 2 survivors at it.  One woman was a cervical cancer survivor, and the other a breast cancer survivor.  Mary, the breast cancer survivor, got diagnosed a while back and ended up becoming a part of a research study.  They did surgery to remove her tumor, and while she was on the table they gave her a dose of radiation at the tumor site.  That's it...no chemo, nothing else.  She said that it almost felt like she never had cancer at all.  As part of the study, though, she continues to go for exams, and in her last one two days ago, her oncologist found a lump in her other breast.  As shitty as those conversations can be, they are also conversations that need to be had, and that make us all feel connected instead of alone.

So why am I writing now, after 5 months of silence?  Well, because breast cancer has reared it's ugly head again:  Gina's older sister Marie got diagnosed this morning.

Marie found a lump a few weeks ago, and we'd all have been foolish not to think it was breast cancer, but I know we all hoped.  We all hoped against hope that maybe it was something else.  Please let it be something else!  But it was not to be.  It's still too early to know much, but I also know all I need to know: the fight continues.

I'm going to cry tonight, I'm going to wonder WHY tonight, but I'm also going to shave my head, put on my boots and continue to do everything I can to kick cancer's ass.  It's not over til it's over, baby, and it ain't over yet!

Every Walk Needs a Mohawk!

And here's mine!

Getting color

Check it out!

Thanks again to my wonderful friend and awesome stylist, Maile Hino, for donating her time and talent to my efforts!  I love you, girl!

The Countdown Begins!!

Writing today's blog is gonna be tough.  I am worried that I am going to get myself so riled up that won't be able to sleep!  

Well, we are literally two and a half days away from opening ceremonies!  WOO HOO!  Seth and I are both SUPER excited!  We have not trained nearly enough, but we have faith that we are going to be fine.

As the day draws near, I have been creating my packing and to-do lists, and they seem to be getting longer and longer!  But I am also reassured by them, as writing things down helps me relax and also makes it less likely that I will forget something in all of the excitement.  There is lots and lots of information online about what to bring and how to pack, and I am heeding all of the advice.  

The last unknown at this point is the weather.  A few days ago the forecast was a chance of showers on Saturday and Sunday, but as of today the rain seems to have moved to Sunday.  Let's hope that in the next couple of days it disappears all together!  

Anyway, here are some pictures I wanted to share with you:

My credential!

The buttons that Seth and will be wearing and sharing.

I made these especially for my donors that had a loved one touched by breast cancer.  

Gina's mom is one, and two are aunts of mine.

I bought a new (super small) point and shoot for the walk.  

I love an excuse to shop for electronics, especially camera gear!!

I received this check at work today!  My company doubled the amount we actually raised at my restaurant!  Thank you, Kincaid's!!  This will all go to next year's walk!

Spencer decided he wanted a haircut tonight.  This is the before.

The after.  Isn't he handsome?

Tune in tomorrow to see MY haircut....

Green Pee and More Surgery

On October 26, five days after surgery, Gina got a call telling her that Dr. Mabry had not cut enough tissue away during her surgery.  They didn't go into the details of why this happened, just that it did.  They wanted to go in again and take another millimeter of tissue to get a clean margin around the area where her tumor had been.  While this was certainly a drag, it was just a bump in the road...Gina's status as cancer free was not in danger.

Her surgery was scheduled for 8 a.m. on halloween, and it went off without a hitch.  This time, there was no dye and no guide wires...just straight into surgery.  By 9:45, she was on her way back home, hopefully never to return!!

Although I wasn't able to make it to this surgery, Steven took a picture for me in pre-op:

Gina told me that post op pain has been minimal, which is great.  I am so excited that Gina will be feeling good in a couple of weeks and will be joining us when we head off to walk 60 miles in the fight against breast cancer!!  It's going to be even sweeter knowing that she is OK.

Anyway, that's the latest.  I'll be posting about our prep for the walk soon, so stay tuned!

PS Here is a picture of Gina's pee after the first surgery...the blue dye mixed with her yellow pee makes blue!  She described it as the color of Scope ;)

CANCER FREE! Yup, You Heard That Right!

Today, October 21, was labeled "Gina's Surgery" on my calendar.  As of 4:12 pm PST, this date will now be known as CANCER FREE DAY, to be celebrated every year from this day forward!  Yes, you heard me, GINA IS CANCER FREE!  

The day started off as my visits to the Breastlink Center have for the last couple of months, with a stop at the donut shop.  Only today, I didn't get a custard-filled donut for Gina (and I only got one chocolate French for myself!).  Since I was about a half an hour early,  I was also able to eat my donut and take the rest to the chemo room before Gina arrived.  I knew that she wouldn't be able to eat because of her surgery, so I definitely didn't want to be eating donuts in front of her!

Once Gina and Steven arrived, we had to wait about thirty minutes for her to be called back.  I had called the PA, Donna Valentine, yesterday to ask how the day would progress, so we would know what to expect.  I also had done some reading about the procedures Gina would undergo, again so we would know what was coming.

The first procedures of the day were the injection of blue radioactive dye and the placement of guide wires into Gina's left breast.  Using mammography as a guide, very thin wires were inserted into the breast to mark the location of the area that the surgeon would be removing during the lumpectomy.  This is done in cases like Gina's where there is little or no identifiable tumor left.  Next, blue dye was injected around her areola, and it's purpose was to travel up her duct system and color her lymph nodes bright blue, so they could be easily seen during surgery.  During the "sentinel node biopsy" part of the surgery, her sentinel lymph node (the first one closest to the tumor) would be biopsied.  If  cancerous cells were found, then the next lymph node in the chain (leading up and into her armpit) would be biopsied, and so on.  The more lymph nodes that test positive, the more likely the chance that the cancer has spread.

An interesting thing that I learned was that the blue dye ends up turning your pee blue or green!  I made Gina promise to take a picture if this happened.

While Gina was having her pre-op procedures, Steven and I walked over to the local deli, where I had lunch.  Again, I didn't want to be eating in front of Gina.

After about an hour and half, Gina came out with a hospital gown on.  She didn't think that they had injected the dye yet (but she definitely had wires sticking out of her boob!), but after some talking, she realized that they had done that, too.  Next was to wait to be called into pre-op.

Once we went next door for the surgery center, it wasn't long before they took Gina back for pre-op.  While back there, they basically just got her in a bed and started an IV.  They gave her hydration and an antibiotic.

During the time we were waiting, I got a text from Gina that said, "You are my cousin."  My first thought was, maybe they already gave her something and she's loopy!  I responded, "What??"  And a bit later, she explained, "The nurse asked."  Ohhhh....she told the nurse I was family so I would be able to come back and be with her :)

After a bit, Steven and I were allowed to go back to wait with Gina.  Although surgery was scheduled for 2:00 pm, Dr. Mabry was running late.  I wasn't surprised, as this tends to always be the case with scheduled surgeries, and I also wasn't surprised that Gina was (understandably) irritated by the delay.

In the meanwhile, the nurse answered some of our questions, and then the anesthesiologist came by.  Gina would be under general anesthesia during the surgery.  We also looked at her mammography films, which were sitting on the table waiting for Dr. Mabry.

When Dr. Mabry showed up at 2:45. the first thing she did was initial Gina's left breast.  This is standard procedure to avoid mistakes.  Basically, she said, we could expect the surgery to last one and a half hours.  If it went longer, it would likely be because cancer cells were found in the sentinel node and more nodes needed to be biopsied.

Gina went in to surgery at 3:00 pm.  We went back to the deli so Steven could eat lunch.  We were back in the waiting room about 3:45.

At 4:12, Dr. Mabry walked into the waiting room.  I new immediately it was good news...it had only been an hour and twelve minutes!!  As she spoke and confirmed that the surgery had gone as planned and that the sentinel node was cancer free, the relief I felt was overwhelming.  And although both of us had agreed that we were not worried before surgery, both Steven and I ended up in tears.  CANCER FREE!

It wasn't long before we were allowed to go back into recovery to see Gina.  When we walked in, she was lying there with her eyes closed.  She had an oxygen tube in her nose.  When we said her name, she opened her eyes, looked at us, and immediately started crying.  CANCER FREE!  When I kissed her and told her she did it, she thanked me.  I told her how proud of her I was.  She did the work, and now she was getting what she deserved...to be cancer free.  It was a glorious few minutes, Steven and I each holding one of her hands.

Within an hour, they were ready to release her whenever she was ready.  Her sister Lisa showed up just in time, and we changed Gina back into her clothes.  Then it was a short wheelchair ride to the exit, and Gina was on her way home.

On the way home, my thoughts were bittersweet.  I cranked up the radio and sang at the top of my lungs as I sat in traffic, but I also though of the thousands who have not been and will not be so lucky.  As I have mentioned many times before, this journey has exposed me to lots and lots of survivors and stories, and many of them were not as happy.  It is for these people that I will continue to fight.  Sure, I could walk in San Diego next month and be done with it.  I could walk away never having to worry about fundraising again.  But the fight is not over.  As the 3-Day walkers say, "I walk because I can."

I love you, Gina.  I am so proud of you. You were a champion through all of this, and I am proud to call you my friend.  You did it!

And now, my friend, a surprise:  Although I accidentally deleted the pictures I took today, I was able to recover them from my camera's memory card with the help of some software!  I was so relieved, because I was devastated that I had lost the best pics of all!  Here they are!

Steven holding up one of Gina's mammograms.  You can see the guide wires.

From a different angle.

Happy!

BFFs!

My new T-shirt!  I love a survivor!!

Oh, and by the way, Gina's pee turned "the color of Scope."  You owe me a picture!

Please continue to support the fight against breast cancer.  

We need to find a cure.

Best,

Lisa