Bald is Beautiful!

Well, as expected, Lisa's hair started falling out because of chemo.  Although she had already cut her waist-length hair into a bob to help lessen the trauma, it was still difficult to see clumps of hair coming out, so she had her boyfriend Marshall shave her head.  Then, he shaved his, too!  Ain't love grand??

 I think that she looks amazing, as does Mary.  I'm telling you, bald is beautiful!

Marshall and Lisa

Sisters:  Gina, Mary, and Lisa

As for me, the mohawk is done, my bag is packed, and the car is ready!  See you in San Francisco!

Rocking the 'hawk!

Yes, people honk!

Finally!

It seems like I've been waiting forever for the 3-Day season to begin again, and now it's just a couple of days away!

I was reminded how much I enjoyed my breast cancer fundraising (and the 3-Day) last night when some friends introduced me to their mother and I was telling her about my experiences.  I still get teary eyed talking about all of the wonderful people I've met on this journey.  And now, I get a chance to see the walk from the other side:  the Crew.  For three days I will literally be helping to feed, hydrate, hug and motivate 1000 walkers!  The walks are literally not possible without the crew, and I am excited and proud to be able to be a part of that.

I am a member of Pit Stop 1, the first Pit Stop that the walkers will have on each day of their walk.  The theme of our pit (ironically, in my case) is the Double Dee Diner...a restaurant :)  But instead of dressing up like a waitress, since I do that the rest of the year, I decided on a chef's coat.  I bought one from the restaurant supply and then, with Spencer's help, dyed it pink (of course).  I love that it will work double duty as a jacket and a great place to showcase all of my buttons :)

As my contribution to the team, I built, with my dad and Seth's help, a photo backdrop for walkers to take pictures in front of.  It's just a PVC pipe frame with a pink shower curtain hanging from it, but walkers love to have photo ops on their walk, and I am also working on some props that they can have fun with, like a chef's hat and some chalkboards that they can write on and hold in their photos.  I know if I were a walker I would like it!

Since today was my last day at work until after the walk, I went directly to Great Clips to get my mohawk.  I haven't let anyone other than my stylist touch my hair in years, so I was a little apprehensive, but the woman there did a pretty good job.  It does need a little touching up, though, so I'm waiting for Seth to get home to help me with that.  In the meanwhile, I am bleaching my hair and then coloring it pink!  I colored it last year, but this year I'm going for a bolder look.  We'll see how it comes out!  I figured the worst case scenario was that I would have to shave my head completely, which isn't much of a stretch for me these days!

On the BFF cancer front, Mary and Lisa are doing well.  Lisa had weakness and some stomach issues after her first chemo, but managed.  Oh, and she also had a slight allergic reaction to one of the meds, so they will be trying something different next time.  Because she goes to the same place that Gina did for treatment, I know they will take good care of her.

In another odd twist of timing, Lisa's hair will probably start falling out while I am at the 3-Day.  While I know it will be traumatic, I hope that it won't be long until she sees that in the big picture of life, it's just hair...those of us that love her, and I know even those that don't know her, would never think her beauty is diminished by the loss of her hair...

I am blessed to have the support of so many that enables me to go to San Francisco for six days and participate in the 3-Day.  First and foremost is Seth, who makes all things possible.  And to my co-workers who not only cover for me but support me, I thank you.  To my sons, who's first days of school I will be missing for the first time ever, thank you so much for your endless love and kisses.  You are everything that is good in the world.  Everything I do, I do for you.

 My Little Helper :)

My credential!

Seriously?

When Marie got diagnosed last month, it was inevitable that Lisa, Gina's younger sister, would begin to wonder when it was going to be her turn to face cancer.  First her mother, then one sister, then the other sister.  Talk about waiting for "the other shoe to drop."  Well, she didn't have to wait long.  On July 13, Lisa's biopsy came back positive.  Although her mammogram was clean, an MRI found a 1 cm tumor.  In the world of cancer, this is actually GREAT news, as it's just about as early of a detection as you can hope for.  Still, it's cancer.

This time, I didn't cry.  I'm done crying.  FUCK YOU, CANCER--FUCK YOU!  Every time I shave my head (which I did within the hour of hearing of Lisa's diagnosis), every time I put on my pink ribbon earrings or my bright pink jacket, every time I look at my tattoo, I think to myself, FUCK YOU, CANCER!  In fact, I want to THANK YOU again, cancer, for giving me the motivation to keep up my participation in the fight against breast cancer!

My Spencer still asks me periodically, "when are you going to let your hair grow back?"  And every time,  I explain to him that even though Aunty Gina is well, there are lots of women who are not, and that the fight continues.  Plus, it's just hair--and everyone agrees I look great :)

But seriously, please get your mammogram.  Please know your family history.  Please support breast cancer research.

I was just having a conversation with some friends about the fact that most people don't get involved in a "cause" until it touches them personally.  That was certainly true for me.  But I hope it won't be for you.  I pray that cancer stays away from you and your loved ones!

***

Dear Lisa,

I am sorry this is happening to you.  When I think about us all 20+  years ago, having fun and partying, I know we never imagined that we'd be dealing with something like this!  But here we are.  And we will walk this journey together, and I will help you in any way I can.  For every shitty part of this, I promise you something to be thankful for.  You may not be able to see the good parts yet, but they are there, waiting to be discovered.

I love you!
Lisa

Mary, Mom, Gina, Lisa

The C Words: Cancer, Chemo, Coincidence, Celebrations

May 30, 2012:  Gina celebrated her 45th birthday.  Her sister Marie had her first chemo treatment.

Yesterday, June 13, 2012, Gina finished her last treatment.

Yesterday, June 13, 2012, Marie's hair started falling out, so she shaved her head.

Today, June 14, I got my crew assignment for the San Francisco 3-Day (Pit Stop 1!)

Today, June 14, marks one year since Gina's first chemotherapy session.

Today, June 14, is Marie's 50th birthday.

Talk about bittersweet!

But that's cancer for you.  It sucks: it makes you sad, it makes you scared, it makes your hair fall out, it takes over your life.   But it also gives:  it teaches you to appreciate things more, and it teaches you what is and what isn't important (like hair!).  It teaches you how strong you are, and it shows you who your friends are and how wonderful they can be.

Some days are good, some days are great, and some days suck.  The question is, which will you dwell on, the bad or the good?

I don't have cancer.  I can grow my hair back if I want to.  I don't know what it's like to hear the words, "you have cancer."  But cancer has definitely made me sad, and it has definitely scared me shitless.  But today, on Marie's birthday, on the one year anniversary of Gina's first treatment, and on the first day of Gina's cancer-free life, I want to celebrate!

Thank you, cancer, for reminding me that taking care of myself is important--not just for me, but for my family as well.

Thank you, cancer, for bringing my best friend and I back together.  I have loved every minute of it.

Thank you, cancer, for all of the wonderful people I have met in the fight against you!!

Thank you cancer, for bringing Marie back to her family and friends...we like having her around!

Thank you cancer, for making every day and every special occasion that much sweeter!  I promise to never take another birthday, Christmas, or beautiful sunset for granted!

Happy Birthday, Mary!  Congratulations, Gina!  Fuck you, cancer!

Mary and her son, Michael

Sue

Last night, one of my tables was a friendly, gorgeous couple.  They were easy to wait on, meaning they were nice, polite and low maintenance.  About an hour into their dinner, I go up to check on them, and the woman says something like, "You had a booth at the Torrance farmer's market."

"Yes," I say, "raising money for breast cancer."  I'm not super surprised that she would remember me...the Wilson Park Farmer's Market is very popular, and I DO have a shaved head, not to mention the fact that I am wearing pink ribbon earrings, a ribbon necklace and a pink ribbon badge reel :)

But then she proceeds to tell her husband how she cried at my booth.  "Oh my God," I say, "you bought the wish bracelet...you had just made your lumpectomy appointment!"  We both had the chills.  

I can remember that whole encounter back in August vividly. As she was looking at all of the pink ribbon goodies on my table, she looked at an item I had called a "wish bracelet"--a simple rope bracelet with a pink ribbon charm on it.  The idea is that you make a wish when you put the bracelet on and when the bracelet eventually falls off,  your wish comes true.  As I was telling her this, she confessed that she had just made her lumpectomy appointment, and she began to cry.  Then of course I began to cry.  Here she was, alone, walking around at the farmer's market minding her own business, DEFINITELY not expecting to see my big pink booth, and then she's sharing her story with me.   So I put the bracelet on her and told her that I wished for her well being, and we hugged.  I blogged about her and the other women I had met that day.  And now here she was.

It's hard to explain how the odds were against her being in my station.  After 13 years at Kincaid's, there are still people who eat there regularly who I have never waited on.  There are a lot of tables.  A lot of servers.  We're in a different station every night.  But there she was.

I knew by looking at her that all had gone well since last we saw one another.  Sue is beautiful, with an easy smile and delicate crows feet that are the proof that she uses that smile often.   I was so grateful that fate had brought us back together--seeing Sue was just what I needed after Marie's diagnosis.  Seeing her also reinforced my resolve to keep fighting and keep talking about breast cancer.  Thank you, Sue!!

Deciding that we had something to celebrate, I brought out a dessert with a candle for Sue.  I wanted to celebrate her survivorship, our meeting, BEING ALIVE.  Then she told me it was her and Bill's wedding anniversary!  Well, add that to the list of things we are thankful for!  It was awesome.

Not able to contain myself, I told Reggie (my GM) the story.  He then proceeded to go to the table and chat them up, and then he took care of their dinner bill!  That Reggie, he is GOOD PEOPLE.

I am so blessed in my life.  My kids helped me see that first.  Then my husband.  Then breast cancer.  We're all in it together, and that's the only thing that makes it bearable sometimes.

At a Loss for Words

I never "finished" this blog.  I created it to chronicle Gina's journey, as well as my involvement with the 3-Day, but when the walk was over, I couldn't bring myself to write about it.

You see, the walk was so many things, such an experience, that I felt like writing about it in this blog would make it somehow be over and forgotten, and I was not ready for it to be over.  I also worried that I would not have the ability to adequately express all that the 3-Day had been to me.  And so, I did nothing.  And not just here:  I also left the windows of my car painted with all of my anti cancer slogans for MONTHS after we got back from the walk.  It took me almost as long to unpack my stuff.  The one thing I did do?  I registered to be a crew member in the  San Francisco and Washington, DC walks and to walk again in San Diego.

Anyway, as I sit here in the dark, still in my uniform, I still feel the same way.  I don't know how to write about it.  I only know that the 3-Day experience still drives me.  Lots of people, including my kids, have asked me why I'm still shaving my head.  Well, I explain, even though Gina is cancer free, thousands of women are still being diagnosed every day, and I still feel the need to keep the conversation going.  And the hair always starts conversations :)

Just tonight, I waited on a table that had 2 survivors at it.  One woman was a cervical cancer survivor, and the other a breast cancer survivor.  Mary, the breast cancer survivor, got diagnosed a while back and ended up becoming a part of a research study.  They did surgery to remove her tumor, and while she was on the table they gave her a dose of radiation at the tumor site.  That's it...no chemo, nothing else.  She said that it almost felt like she never had cancer at all.  As part of the study, though, she continues to go for exams, and in her last one two days ago, her oncologist found a lump in her other breast.  As shitty as those conversations can be, they are also conversations that need to be had, and that make us all feel connected instead of alone.

So why am I writing now, after 5 months of silence?  Well, because breast cancer has reared it's ugly head again:  Gina's older sister Marie got diagnosed this morning.

Marie found a lump a few weeks ago, and we'd all have been foolish not to think it was breast cancer, but I know we all hoped.  We all hoped against hope that maybe it was something else.  Please let it be something else!  But it was not to be.  It's still too early to know much, but I also know all I need to know: the fight continues.

I'm going to cry tonight, I'm going to wonder WHY tonight, but I'm also going to shave my head, put on my boots and continue to do everything I can to kick cancer's ass.  It's not over til it's over, baby, and it ain't over yet!

Every Walk Needs a Mohawk!

And here's mine!

Getting color

Check it out!

Thanks again to my wonderful friend and awesome stylist, Maile Hino, for donating her time and talent to my efforts!  I love you, girl!