Text, received June 3, 2011, 2:05 pm: "Just found out. I have a lump in my left breast and it is cancerous. It is 2 cm. Will know more on Monday. Will see a breast surgeon. Keep u posted."
HOLY SHIT. My best friend. 44. Breast cancer. WHAT?? I couldn't believe it.
The first thing I did was call her. A text? Really?? The next thing I did was cry.
Come Monday, the diagnosis was Stage 1 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Stage 1, thank God. Still, we cried.
Fuck cancer, I thought. Fuck You! You are not gonna get the best of us! We are going to look you in the face and then kick your ass!
That night, I asked my lifelong friend Todd if he could get me an appointment with his tattoo guy ASAP. As I knew he would, he came through, and he even picked me up and took me to the appointment (the next day) on his Harley :)
While I was getting the tattoo, I texted this picture to Gina:
If you're wondering, YES, it hurt. But it wasn't cancer, or the pain of chemo. It was the LEAST I could do to show my best friend that I was right there with her, that I was gonna walk this journey with her.
The next day, Wednesday, June 8, was the appointment with the oncologist. I met Gina and Steven at the clinic.
Sitting in the lobby of the clinic were women of all ages and in all stages of their cancer. In the "gift shop," fake eyebrows, head wraps and more...all signs of things to come. As we were led down the hall toward Dr. Link's office, we passed the chemo room. Pairs of chairs, one for the patient and one for their guest, sat in a semi circle, each with it's own IV stand.
After the meeting, I was more encouraged than discouraged by what we learned. There would be 6 rounds of chemo, one every three weeks, followed by surgery. This type of cancer tends to respond well to chemo, and often there isn't even any tumor left when the surgery is done.
The next concern was BRCA 1 and BRCA 2. These are genes that we all have that are "tumor inhibitors." Gina was being tested to see if she had mutations in these genes. A positive result would indicate that her current cancer is genetic (vs. spontaneous). More importantly, a positive result would mean that there would be a higher chance of recurrence, occurrence in the other breast, and even an increase in the incidence of ovarian cancer. What this would mean, in turn, is that Gina would have to consider prophylactic surgeries as a way of preventing future cancer. A mastectomy instead of a lumpectomy. Maybe even a double mastectomy. Removal of her ovaries.
For now, though, I was focusing on what we did know, and the information was more positive than negative. To learn more, I also checked out "Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book" from the clinic library, which Gina was reading at her doctor's suggestion.
The next day, I went with Gina to her appointment with the physician's assistant. This was the appointment in which we learned "everything you ever wanted (or didn't want to know) about chemo."
Luckily, they make you a nice little personalized portfolio with all of the information. Again, I came away feeling more positive than not. Yes, Gina would feel bad...mostly aches and pains, flu-like symptoms. But she shouldn't feel worse than that, and the days of chemo-induced vomiting are mostly in the past now. The fatigue, however, would be cumulative. And, much to my surprise, she would start losing her hair in 4-5 weeks after the first chemo. For some reason, I just thought she had more time.
Again, needing to do SOMETHING, I told Gina that I would re-vamp the sample medication schedule/calendar that they gave her. There were LOTS of pills and vitamins, some of which she would take every day, some twice a day, and some which she would only take in the days leading up to and just after each chemo treatment.
Wanting to get started ASAP, gina scheduled her first chemo for the following Tuesday and Wednesday. (For the first treatment, they actually give you the meds over two days, so they can take it slow and so they can watch for any allergic reaction.)
Once I got home, I called my stylist. Notoriously busy (because she's so damn talented!), I didn't expect her to be able to get me in, but I told her that I wanted to get in ASAP to shave my head. I made an appointment for the following week. Then, within a few minutes, my phone rang. It was Maile, telling me that she checked her phone right after we hung up and she had a cancellation for that afternoon at 4!
Even though it would be tight (I had to work at 5), I jumped on it.
When Seth got home from work a bit later, I said, "I'm gonna go get my head shaved, wanna go?"
"Hell's yeah!" he said. Within the hour, my hair, which had grown to the middle of my back, was gone.
I was thrilled that it was long enough to donate to Locks of Love, which makes hair pieces for sick kids.
Then, Maile surprised me by not charging me for the cut. What a doll.
Immediately after, I wanted to text Gina, but the boys thought I should wait and surprise her at her first chemo, so I did.
JUNE 14, 2011--CHEMO 1, DAY 1: I loaded up the cooler with snacks and drinks, charged up the iPad and iPhone, loaded a casino game on to the iPad (we like to gamble, k??), and got excited about all the time I would have to finally read all of those magazines I have laying around. When I picked Gina up, I waited for her to notice my hair, but she didn't have her glasses on, and I had to say, "um, hello!" It was funny.
Once we got to the clinic, is went just like we were told it would. We made ourselves comfortable and Gina got her IV put in. When they pushed some Benadryl to stave off any allergic reaction, they told her that she would probably fall asleep for a couple of hours, but she never did.
After a while, I "Yelped" a place for lunch and found a deli within walking distance. Gina was feeling totally fine. I, on the other hand, was coming down with something and felt like shit!
The next day went about the same. No reaction, no sleep. But something exciting did happen: I went to buy donuts across the street, and discovered that they have delicious chocolate French donuts, my favorite! I was very excited. So now I'm going to buy a dozen donuts for the chemo room every time we go! Yum!
As expected, Gina started feeling the effects of chemo a couple of days later. She said that it was just overall aching, including her joints, and that Tylenol wasn't helping. No nausea or vomiting, though, so that was good news. And ultimately, she started to feel better a couple of days after that, so it wasn't that bad, all things considered.
Before her next chemo, Gina will have a port put under her skin (inner arm) so that her veins are not ruined by the chemo. The port will also make chemo a bit easier, as she won's have to go through being poked every time she goes. We have seen women with both a chest and and arm port, and it looks pretty cool and painless to be hooked up to the IV via the port.
Somewhere between the first chemo and a couple of days ago, I found another way to "do something." I discovered the Susan G Komen 3-Day for the Cure, a 3 Day, 60 mile walk breast cancer fundraiser. After a day or two of pondering the logistics (it's in San Diego), I registered. I asked Seth if he wanted to do it with me, and he registered the next day. TEAM TOUGH TITTY was born!
Since then, my mind has been swirling with fundraising ideas and I have spent every free moment reading up on the event through blogs of other women who have done it before. I am SO excited!
Yesterday, I bought pink paper & some envelopes for soliciting donations, business cards from Vista Prints with my name and donation site information, pink and silver Asics for walking, a pink sports bra, and a pink shirt! And what's funny is i've probably only ever owned 5 pieces of pink clothing in my whole adult life! But now it is my power color. THINK PINK!!
Today, June 28, 2011, Seth and I took our first training walk. It was awesome to be out on such a beautiful day, walking for a cause and all the while thinking of my best friend. Then, to cap off this day, I got home to discover that Gina's sister Lisa had given us our first donation!! It felt great, and I was really happy that she was the first.
Later, I would find out that, right on schedule, Gina's hair is falling out. She is upset, and this makes me upset. But I told her, she has to remember, it WILL grow back.
While writing this blog post, I actually got a text from her saying that she had decided to go ahead and shave her head. I'm still waiting for my picture!
This journey, like any other in life, is going to have it's ups and downs. But like I told Gina, it doesn't matter how we look at the end, it's only important that we make it to the end. Believe me, her husband doesn't give a shit about her hair. He only wants her, with hair or without. My Seth is the same way. We are blessed!
Well, that's it for today. It's been a full couple of weeks! But the best is yet to come. I can feel it!
To Gina: I can't promise that it will always be easy, but I CAN promise you that you will never be alone. I love you.
